| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2006|01:11 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | The Limousines: 1998 | ] |
I have a new journal.
I'm fed up with creating new journal names, so this is the last one. If you know me as well as you think you do, you should know what it is. If not, you can always ask me via AIM: P3rf3ktly Flawd.
Three hints:
1. It's a short line taken from my favorite movie.
3. The vowels have been taken out.
2. My favorite movie is Fight Club.
Good Luck
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2006|03:12 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Casey on the phone. | ] |
Wow. Today was just filled with emotions. This morning, I literally contemplated whether I should just quit my job. I haven't spoken to my boss since Monday and I had this weird feeling that she was upset with me. I hate when the boss is mad period because she has a horrible slaughtering fury, but I love my boss none the less. She has done so much for me and I can't thank her enough. She was just ina bad mood from all the stress that comes with responsibility. For the first time in my life, I saw her cry. I should just shut up about her. Anyway, I'm starting to get into a depression again. I just don't like life at the moment. I'm not going anywhere in my job because it's something that doesn't interest me and plus, I'm too busy with other stuff while I'm at work to actually learn anything to further myself. I wasn't thinking rationally today. I'm starting to favor change again and I don't like that. I need to just stay put for a while. Save money and stay put. I have to stop moving around. The only reason that I would move again is it this certain person wanted a room mate... or a relationship.
I swear, I'm going no where with Mr. X. We're too good of friends and I hate that. Mr. X is perfect. PERFECT. He has no visible flaws. I've seen pictures of him that just make me want to melt. I get all giddy and excited when I see him. I wish we could spend more time together. I want to become business associates with him. I want power!
Is it wrong to have a crush on myspace person? Like, a person you've only seen on myspace? Well let me tell you something: this guy has stolen my heart. And he's married, which sucks. He's so bloody gorgeous. I look at his myspace everyday and just gaze upon his beautiful face. ANYWAY!!!
I'm tired and it's three in the morning. I have to have me time and I insist on having it late at night. I need just a me day. What I need is a fucking vacation. Just a week of doing nothing and hanging out. My time will come. I have to plan it with Justin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2006|02:34 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Chevelle: The Red | ] |
All of my nights are devoted to something else: Yoga, rehearsal, mom's house, kyle's house. I never have a night alone to myself. This is what happened the last time I lived here. I had no time to myself so I would stay up late so I could have some "Me" time. So the rest of my day freaking sucks because I'm tired with a headache and cranky from lack of sleep.
I had lunch with Mr. X today. I'm going to refer to all of my crushes as code names. I want to talk freely about them, but I'm scared to death that they'll read this and think I'm some kind of freak. It's ridiculous when you think about it because they'll read about a Mr. so and so and what Mr. so and so is doing and they'll be like, "Hey she's talking about me. what a freak!" So Mr. X and I had lunch and of course it was grand. He told me about his crazy life at the moment and I hate being selvish, but I wish I could be a big part of it so badly. I hate tuesdays because we have limited time to see each other. It's not like we hang out on the weekends, but it's like I wish I could see him more. Hopefully, with all my help in his business, we'll see each other more.
Robbie called me for the first time in a week and it was very unexpected. I went over to his house and watched Nip/Tuck. I was kind of disappointed because tonight's episode was filler. they didn't have something riveting to play, so they pulled this stupid futuristic episode with Matt operating on Connor's hand and Annie being this weirdo. I don't know. I was disappointed. It was nice seeing Robbie. He's a sweetheart. He's cute and he's funny. I wonder what kind of boyfriend he would make. I wish I could see.
I'm tired and I'm contemplating whether I should go to work at 8:15am. I really don't and the agreement this semester was that I would be at work at 11am. I wish it would rain. My mom's birthday went really well. It wasn't awkward with my Uncle Mike like I thought it would be. She really liked her Louis Vuitton backpack. She was kind of upset that I spent so much money, but she's my mom. She gave me life. The least I could do is get her a Louis Vuitton.
I need sleep. I wish I had a boyfriend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2006|03:50 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Legends of the Hidden Temple on TV. | ] |
I have a business meeting at 8:30am. It's 4am. Why do I do this to myself? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2006|05:13 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | No Doubt: Spiderwebs | ] |
Nothing too interesting, other than the fact that I'm stupidly head over heels for the same person I have been since February. It hasn't even been a year yet and our friendship has grown immensely. I'm constantly knocking on wood everytime I mention his name or even talk/think about him. His flirting drives me crazy. It's like I don't know if he's being real with me or not. I want to alter everything negative about myself just to please him. I have told him before, to his face, that I honestly think his girlfriend is the luckiest girl in the world. I mean, she has no idea what she has. She has one of the good men left and by good man left, I mean he's good altogether. He has a successful state of mind and keeps his priorities in mind. I'm honestly afraid to talk about him and his glory because if something did happen, I don't want to jinx it. I don't believe in superstitions, except for the whole jinx theory.
Rehearsal went good today. I wasn't late (hooray for me). We're blocking the last act and I'm loving it. In the last act, I have such a strong character. I've never had the opportunity to play such a dynamic person and this time I am. I always had to add in to make a person fierce, but Romaine Patterson is an animal. I love it. 27 days til the show opens.
I'm bored. I finally got to see the first Lord of the Rings. It freaking owned. It really left me hanging though. I have to see the second. It's going to freaking kill me. I feel like dancing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|12:08 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Alien Ant Farm: Calico | ] |
Crap. I have so much to do and I'm really tired. I need to put a huuuuge dent in this project that I've been doing for my Dad for 2 months now. I need to just finish and get it off my hands. I'm kind of hungry and I'm debating if I should go fill my tummy with "really bad food for you" goodness.
I got more things from Robert's house. It's more essentials like shoes. I've been wearing the same shoes to work for a few weeks and they really stink. I either need to buy a new pair or just forget about the shoes. They're my favorite though. They're point and flat and I love them. They just get so stinky. Maybe it's me... anyway, I got school stuff which is important. I can fill out my calendar and be able to see my life at a glance. I'm so tired. It was a long day, but I really want to get some shit done.
Nip/Tuck was amazing tonight. The season was really starting to piss me off with this whole stupid Michelle thing and stealing kidneys. Fuck Michelle and her dumb drama. She was a shitty character. Escobar is soooooo much better. I hope he comes back later in the season.
I was late for Yoga tonight because my Grandma made my Dad some food and I guess I was uninformed that I was supposed to take it to him. She said she would drive and I said "nay". I don't like Grandma driving at night so I took the responsibility, even though my Dad was in a horrible, slaughtering mood. Just unhappy and unappreciative and it pissed me off. I was late for a class just to please him. He didn't even say thank you. The pilates instructor had finish putting stuf away because she could see I was stressed. It was bullshit. Of course, when I walked in, I got the stupid, "Come to class on time". No shit Sherlock. That's my intention every Tuesday and Thursday. I didn't even bother to give her my excuse because I really doubt that she cared.
I love how I managed to spread out what little drama I have into a few paragraphs. Go me. I have rehearsal tonight. I really wanted to spruce up on Act 1 and 2 because we're going through them tonight, but of course, I haven't had time. I'm considering an all nighter, but I can't do that to myself. I need sleep to function at work. I get all dee dee dee around the office and my boss is not a happy camper when I'm dee dee dee at work. I'm tired. I better get doing something. Maybe put on a movie or something. SOMETHING! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|01:18 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Chevelle: Don't Fake this | ] |
Sometimes, I hate my friends. I really do. I try to make time for them and they bail. Really lame. I feel like a good friend of mine is flirting with the enemy. A friend of mine told me that a past lover has a girlfriend and of all people, it's someone I went to high school and it's also someone who I don't really care for because she's a junkie... and she's easy. I just don't fucking understand. I guess I was the sympathy fuck, I mean, he had broken up with his girlfriend of like a year and he even told me to be careful. Of course I wasn't.
The biggest thing I don't understand is why I don't have a boyfriend or why I can't have a boyfriend. I've had so many dates this past year and it just sucks that guys aren't interested. I've learned a lot from these failed relationships and I'm afraid to come to the conclusion that I'll be single forever. I hate myself for being emo, I just wish I had "...somebody to love. I... need somebody to love." Robbie didn't call me like he said he would. I'm starting to feel like I should just give up. I mean, what the fuck do men like? Dominant women or submissive women? Do certain guys have specific preferences? I don't know anymore. Maybe I should just go lesbo.
Roger was supposed to call me. We were supposed to hang out tonight. Lame. Of course he didn't call. It's getting late anyway. I should really just wash my face, brush my teeth, and get to sleep. I have class at 9:30am. Sort of a busy day tomorrow. Class, Bank Lunch with Justin, Class, Work, Grandma's, Class, Move, Sleep. I'm getting tired earlier, which is a good thing, I just wish I would get to be at a decent hour. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|12:46 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  distracted | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Chevelle: Closure | ] |
I have tried so many times to try and update this... Like today for instance. I almost did it three times. I just have nothing interesting to say. Nothing that interesting has been going on. But then again... I'm sort of reevaluating my life at the moment. I have some points that need to be sharpened.
I need to get more focused in school. I have no clue what's going on in Anthrpology. My calendar isn't up so I'm completely lost. I didn't go on Tuesday and she cancelled it on Thursday. Even though I hate the class and I'm being forced to learn and memorize things that I don't believe in, I have to stay focused and study, study, study. I need to get at least a B or I'm going to be a mess. I took the liberty of emailing the teacher apologizing for not coming to class and told her that I wouldn't miss anymore class... that was three weeks ago. I've missed about three or four classes. I plan on not missing any until the end of the school semester. With Public Speaking, I was on a roll until the second exam. The second exam... killed me. I got a freaking 44% percent. That's not even an F+. I have one more speech to go and probably another exam. I need to get started on my last speech. The third speech was too much pressure. I waited until the last minute to pick a topic, gathering supporting evidence, analyze the audience, write the outline, and practice the speech. It was persuasive and I'm not very good at persuading people. I need to focus more on The Laramie Project. I have to go over lines on a daily basis. I need to find props and costumes and study the script. Even if I have to photo copy the entire script and toss the book away. I need to memorize my lines for the third act. I have a lot of stuff to do and school is my main priority. I need to spend more time considering my options about college and choosing a major. Psychology or Business? Which would work better in mortgages? I mean, obviously business is a lot better and I'm just trying to avoid economics because I've taken it twice and couldn't stand it. I might just have to tough it out.
I need to continue my good streak going at work. I'm doing suprising well at work. I'm receiving compliments left and right about how well and professional I'm being and I can't get enough of it. My life is getting back in order, which is causing me to have less breakdowns at work. I'm making more connections and I need to keep it going. What I need to focus on is getting these letter out for my dad. I have a lot more to do and with his probably being disabled for a few weeks, I know I'm not going to hear the end of how irresponsible I've been with this project.
I really had a lot more to say, but lately, my mind has been wandering. I think I have to go to work at 8am.
Proverbs 3:6 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|01:01 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | American History X on TV. | ] |
Really tired. Happy belated Halloween. Drama is already arising here at home. I met someone (knock on wood). He's realy awesome and sooo sweet. I hope this doesn't become a sad, hurtful crush and nothing happens like the rest of my sad stories. Hopefully he'll call. He invited me over to his house to hang out, I guess he was having a kickback or something and I was the only one that could make it. He's really awesome and I like his personality. He's ten years old than me, but that's okay. I'm totally fine with it. He's freaking awesome. Anyway, nothing too exciting. Still unpacking. I need sleep. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2006|02:06 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Tunes |
| | Alien Ant Farm: Movies | ] |
I have this incredible, crazy urge to dance right now... I don't know why either. Ok, moving on.
I have the majority of my things here at the casita, so I'm almost all moved in. It's kind of weird being back here. It's been ten months since I've actually slept here and I have mixed feelings about it. Mostly, I love it. It really is like a little studio apartment and the privacy is nice. There's just two cons: the commuting and the work. It's really far away from the college and from work, but I'll learn to get over that. I was very frustrated the last time I lived here and I can tell that I've really grown up in the past 11 months. The work... hmm. Actually, I don't mind. It'll be nice learning how to do what my father and stepmother do and it'll be exciting to progress in this business.
I'm very tired, but I have to put my clothes away and clear off the bed. There's a lot of trash like boxes and bags and stuff and that's a great thing. My stuff has been packed away for 11 months and it's nice to just things out and breathe. I'll be living here for the next year, maybe year and a half so I need to make it my own. I need to step up to the plate and take care of myself. I've got it really good so there's no reason for me to complain and be a bitch. I better get to work, I can't get into the habit of staying up til all hours of the night again in this freaking place. |
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